A writer and poet who fell in love with science...
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Blood curdles
The night screams
People are crying
Friends are dying
The devil seeps into my veins
Eyeing me with the fiery depths of Hell
His cure intoxicates me
Life breathes into me
The Earth is spinning
Friends are living
People are laughing
The day sings
Water boils
Hold it in
Take a deep breath
Count to 10
Do not bend
Hold it in
Wear a smile
Frown only within
Do not show emotion
Stay silent
Stay stoic
Stay outwardly calm
Keep from revealing
Your inner most
Felt thoughts
Hold it in
Take a deep, long breath
You can endure it
Hold.
It.
In.
The trees are my people
The birds are my guards
I am their ruler
The one and all
But I have been captured
Stolen you could say
From the demons who took my life away
These demons are selfish, greedy beasts
Who attain to their goals and to their needs
They care about them and only them
The greedy self-centered beasts
Vicious and cruel
Killing off species one and all
They ride in large machines
And live in huge caves
They burn my people
And eat my guards away
And it is as if they have lost their hearts
They leave behind torturous devices
And appetizing wastes
Unaware of the danger that awaits
Their machines make toxic air
That has killed my mother, father, and even that pear
But it is not a worry for my cousin
Because my cousin has gone up to the sky
And then comes back down for another ride
These beasts you might ask
What are they?
Well they are the one who takes your life away
They have killed their own kind
Times before
But the world started to live once more
Shadows
Darkness
What are they?
Twilight
Moonlight
What are they?
Are they dots on paper?
Or the monsters in your closet?
Are they the stars in the sky?
Or a romantic date?
What are shadows?
What is darkness?
Are they black or blue?
Is twilight good?
Is moonlight bad?
Are they big or small?
Are shadows darkness
In the moonlight?
Or a twilight night?
If they are, then will I see them?
Will I?
Or will I be a figure in the distance?
Do you know?
Please, please tell me!
I really want to know!
Please, please tell me!
Any poetry I have written gets published to this page. Every poem will have a heading stating when the poem got written. Some of my earlier poems may only have the month and year they were written, or just the year instead of the full day, month, and year. As much as I tried to be diligent recording when exactly I wrote a poem, some of my earlier ones lack exact specificity. I share the dates I write my poetry to let myself and others see how my writing has evolved over the years.
As stated in my welcome post, my goal for this page is to publish at least one poem I have written once a week, for the first year of my blog’s launch, and then see where things go. Excluding the 5 poems published on my blog’s official launch day, I plan to publish a poem every Saturday (Eastern Standard Time).
Much of my poetry covers a wide range of topics and content, some being more light-hearted than others. Some of the topics and content of my poetry may be sensitive or triggering to some readers. Sensitive/triggering content may include but is not limited to death, violence, suicide, et cetera. I do my best to include a Content Warning heading on any poem that I think might be sensitive/triggering to some readers, but I cannot guarantee that I will get every single poem. Please view my poems with discretion. I will not be offended if you at any point need to click away or stop reading my poetry, so please remember to take care of yourself.
A year can go by
like the push and pull
of an ocean’s wave
And while that
repetitive motion
remains the same
The sand, the salt,
the microbes, and
all the life that the ocean sustains
has shifted and changed
since that last “first”
new year’s wave
A year can go by
and one may never
know how much
time can fly
A year ago,
Desperation pulsated
throughout my bones
And now that’s it’s been
a year from last,
I finally find myself
recovering from the past
A lot can change
in a year from now
But, despite the
ever changing future,
my inner flame that
many call sheer will,
will continue to
push and pull
like an ocean’s wave
one year from now
and then I will say
again how
a year can go by
like the push and pull
of an ocean’s wave…
I cup my hands together and extend them out to you
My head bowed forward as I raise my hands higher and closer to you
Awaiting for you to spare a glance and place a gold coin in the palms of my hands
Instead of feeling the cool touch of metal,
my skin embraces the breath of air
that caresses my palms and strokes my fingers,
before leaving me without any change to spare
My hands remain cupped and my head bowed
As you continue to walk past all those who
extend their palms out toward you
You spare not one a glance or gold coin
You only march forward towards the throne
a fortnight ahead of you
You march and march, unaware of
all the palms lowering and bowed heads rising
with stares that follow you as the throne
in front of you gets closer and closer
until you find yourself knelt before the throne,
extending your palms clasping your pouch
of gold to the man dozing off in this seat before you
The man yawns, plucking your pouch
out from your extended palms
and with a flick of his wrist, he ushers you away,
awaiting for the next person who was trailing behind you
You stare at the man in disbelief–
How dare he only take but not give to you?!
You fume and fume, marching yourself right back
in the direction you just came from
Only to see how many hands that
once requested your help are no longer to be found
With nowhere to go and no one to turn to
You find your way back to me, who is still
with raised palms and a bowed head before you
You find yourself kneeling next to me
as you see someone in the distance approaching
in the same manner as you, before
all you offered was taken from you
You cup your hands and raise them
towards the approaching person
who was once like you
But you do not bow your head
You only stare with extended palms
Hoping you’ll catch the attention
of who came after you
Fatigue in my bones
acts like hydrofluoric acid
with the difference being
the fatigue leeches the energy out
of my bones and entire body, whereas HF,
the calcium leech of chemistry,
would leech out the calcium
in my bones and entire body instead
Exhaustion in my heart—
I am not sure how much longer
I can hold onto all of this grief and pain
The weight of the world
no longer holds me down
Instead it’s the weight of
this physical and emotional
fatigue that sucks everything
out of me, leaving me with nothing
but the ground to lay on
Fatigue in my bones
Exhaustion in my heart
I’m not sure I have enough
neoprene gloves or PPE protection
to come out completely unscathed
Fatigue in my bones
weighs heavier than any
heartbreak I have ever known
Fatigue in bones
only the gods would know
when I will get to drink
from the spring of eternal youth
and once again feel rejuvenated
before the fatigue leeches
the energy out of my bones
and entire body again
Fatigue in my bones
I hope to never ever experience you again
When life became a new
It all started with you
The one who sacrifices nights of sleep
day after day as the small one cries
or keeps getting out of bed
to just be put back to bed
to just get out of bed
repeating the cycle again
and again
It all started with you
When you decided to do a career change
from teaching to raising kids
It all started with you
Always trying your best
Despite the hurtful words said
during times of the small ones
becoming young teenagers
only then to change into young adolescents
It all started with you
And I am forever grateful to have a mother
That is as self-sacrificing, loving, and kind as you
Thank you Mom for supporting us
Your stubborn, headstrong children
And Happy Mother’s Day
From this small one who
spent more time trying
to get out bed than sleep in it
Back when the world, in my eyes, was all still new
Sometimes being the youngest in a household sucks when you are always the quiet sponge
always absorbing the pain of your parents and older sibling(s) too
Sometimes being so emotionally aware of the hurt your loved ones are going through
is a burden that was never meant for you
Whether it’s watching your older sibling(s) wall themselves so much
That when your parents poke at that wall
They lash out and blame them for all the failed promises and hurt they went through
Or watching your parents tear themselves down after hearing all the sacrifices they did for all of you
It won’t matter in the end, that much needed heart to heart with your older sibling(s) and parents will just not go through
It will fall into the cracks in the kitchen sink
Leaking, as your family addresses everything in that kitchen sink but the cracks
that the sink has gotten supporting all the heartbreak, grief, generational trauma, and sorrow your family has and continues to go through
Sometimes being the youngest in a household sucks when you are always the quiet sponge
always absorbing the pain of your parents and older sibling(s) too
Sometimes being so emotionally aware of the hurt your loved ones are going through
is a burden that was never meant for you
As the youngest, it’s not your job to play therapist for those 5, 10, 30+ years older than you
As the youngest, it’s not your job to look for ways to mend a cracked kitchen sink
Sometimes its best to let the kitchen sink crack and break, letting all it holds fall through
And just hope that when it all comes crashing down, you will still have a loving and supportive family to lean back into
The desire to succeed
can push one past their limits
leading them to achieve what
they never thought to before
But this desire of success
can also push one to
burn themselves out
leaving themselves completely drained
and in need of recovery
We all may want success
We all may want to be successful
But is all this success,
all this achievement
really worth the self sacrifice
and unnecessary pain?
We may all desire success
But success is only
one part of our fleeting,
immemorable lives
Our success can mean nothing
to the those of us in the future
using our achievements as the
base building blocks for
their own success
The desire of success
will push one to
burn themselves out
leaving themselves completely drained
and in need of recovery
with no way to break the cycle
or get out
The desire of success
will either lead to great achievement
or to great depletion
with no way to tell which will happen
until one looks at the sacrifices they have made
Wash the flames with oxygen
Let it air dry out
Swallow the anger
Let the passion glossen your eyes
Absorb the white noise
Let it vibrate through your body and heart
Let the fear guide you
Let the anxiety focus you
Wash the flames with a lack of oxygen
Watch it fizzle and die out
Spit out the anger
Watch it harden the passion in your eyes
Bounce off the white noise
Deflect it all from your body and heart
Let the courage direct you
Let the calmness distract you
And always remember
No matter what you do to cleanse yourself of intense emotions
Make sure to let the cycle end and begin something anew
Pressure like an avalanche
I am crumbling underneath
Pelted down by rocks, mud, and sunken homes
As I stand on this mountain side with nothing to brace myself
I take each impact as it comes.
Life is full of overwhelm
And it’s easy to feel crushed by the weight of it all
Yet life still moves on, whether or not you can handle it at all
You can do your best to always prepare
To anticipate the unexpected and brace for the expected
But life does not care whether you do or don’t
Life will continue with or without you
So instead of always trying to be prepared
Instead of always expecting pressure to crack and avalanche down onto you
Maybe it’s time for you to get yourself off that side of that mountain
And maybe go and explore the ocean or the sky,
Because after we die, that’s it – that’s life.
If I die, who lives?
If I cry, do you laugh?
When I am hurt, do you care?
You go on, I repeat.
What is love?
What is pain?
Are they not one and the same?
A penny saved is a penny earned.
A picture is worth a thousand words.
Am I worth a thousand words?
Am I a penny saved, or am I a penny earned?
You run, I walk.
You demand, I give.
You hate me
But I love you.
You are negative, I am positive.
You fear, I dream
Of horrors
Of horses,
Of family,
Of friends,
Of enemies,
Of pets,
Of plants,
Of parasites.
If I give, do you receive?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Will you try and keep me away?
Am I accepted, or am I rejected?
Am I in love, or am I in pain?
I forgive, but you get revenge.
I draw, you paint.
I sing, you dance.
I hurt, you heal.
I scream, you yell.
You punch, I kick.
You speak, I listen.
You threaten, I obey.
You bully, but do I harass?
If I am gone, will you be crying over me?
If I am gone, will you see what I see?
If I am gone, would you miss me?
Would you find someone to replace me?
If I am gone, would you remember me?
Am I human, or am I puppet to you?
You look up, I look down.
You are happy, but I am depressed.
No prescription can change how I feel
About you and the world
Discriminating, fighting, stealing, and killing.
But is that all worth it?
Are you happy?
Are you proud?
Are you scared?
Are you down?
Are you a friend?
Are you an enemy?
Do you stand there and watch from a distance
While I hurt and bleed?
Am I dead or am I living to you?
Flowers can wilt, flowers can die.
But have you forgotten
That flowers can bloom
That flowers can blossom?
I am not an angel
And you are not some devil.
You are human.
I am human.
You and me
Are human,
Are living.
Yet you act like I am nothing.
Speak now or forever hold your peace
For I am who I am,
I am me.
So the next time you make a rude remark or point a finger, just remember
That when you point a finger at someone,
You will have three fingers pointing back at you.
Rejection is a normal part of life
yet why does it always crush me?
Disagreements are bound to happen
yet they always cause me great distress
We cannot live in a world where everyone is happy
nor can we grow and learn only from success
but here I find myself striving for this impossibility
My fears of rejection and failure haunt me
and when family, friends, and coworkers argue,
I find myself always tense
Failure is a normal part of life
yet I always am striving towards success
My ambition seems to drain me more rather than less
but I must digress, for my fears that haunt me
they also provoke me to do my very best
Rejection, failure, and loss may all be a normal part of life
but I cannot deny my drive for acceptance, accomplishment, and gain
so I will suffer through all this pain
alone as I bide my time
and continue to delude myself into
wanting an abnormal life only full of
acceptance, understanding, forgiveness,
and well, success.
Hands pulls
Things tear
Bring me hope
Or bring me despair
You never cared
So I grip my hair
My hands pull
My head now hurts
It’s what you do to my heart
Exactly that
Your hands pull my love apart
Our hands may link together
but our hearts’ beat out of sink
and we never see eye to eye.
We may share the night together
but we never share our days
and we never make the time.
If love was supposed to be mutual,
why do I find my love weighing more
than your love that sits across from mine?
If love was supposed to be deep,
why do I only hear your sweet little lies more
than the large truths hiding behind your eyes?
Love can hold a heart to a flame
But love cannot foster one’s respect
for another if there is no respect in the first place.
You may love your partner,
But do you respect them?
You may respect your lover,
But do you love them just the same?
So while our hands may link together,
and we may share the night together,
The love and respect we carry for each other
may never ever align.
Date Written: January 2015
Cold wind.
Icy fire.
Rolls of thunder.
Scarred soil.
Yellow-white flashes.
Fluffy clouds,
Turn to grey clouds,
Then black clouds,
Dark clouds,
All gone.
Pitter-patter,
Pitter-patter,
Sounds the rain.
Rumble Rumble,
Rumble Rumble,
Sounds the Earthquake.
Cricket cricket,
Chirp chirp,
Sounds the night.
Silence Silence,
Silence Silence,
sounds the icy fright.
Ol’ jack-O-Lantern is gone,
eaten in the form of pie
only to return again
in spirit as a tiny crystal
unique in every way it meets the eye.
Always quiet and watching by your window frame
Your sad pleas by the warm fire
The water escaping from your face
You’re all snuggled in blankets of comfort
Alone for another long night
Ol’ Jack sees you
He feels your pain
He understands you
But is too afraid to go sit and stay
So away he turns
Mr. Jack Frost leaves in the
Cold wind
Icy fire
While falling down silently in the ever moody clouds,
He thinks of your face
And the wetness surrounding your eyes.
And every time he lands on your windowsill,
Your body changes shape
Growing older and older
Until the last long night strolls on by.
Soon you leave
You leave Jack be
All alone again
He is free from the burden we humans never bare to see
A snowflake
Your snowflake
Your little friend you never fully see.
Even when “death do us part”
Jack Frost will forever be a
Snowflake
A raven’s wings may glide in the wind
A snapping turtle’s beak may hurt when it bites you
A mother’s emotionally charged words may hurt her child
And an ocean’s water may feel crushing when it captures youth
Life has a way of making living numb
Death has a way of consuming what was once new
Gods’ have ways to empower what little humans can do
And science has ways to define what we know we must not choose
Winds can change the tide of a sailor’s fate
You can change when you don’t want to
Children can change their dreams before adults do
Youth can change how governments think things through
Numbness can sooth a broken heart and mind
New can deteriorate until it’s weathered and used
Doing without thinking things through can bring more harm than good
Choosing what we know can limit us and leave us more confused
No matter what starts a sentence
The ending will begin again
A complete loop that few break free from
A love-hate cycle that humans subscribe to
It’s a constant struggle
To be the best version of myself
When all I have are your claws wedging themselves into my skin
My actions confuse me
This weight of responsibility is slowly killing me
Having to learn how to drive
When my fear of its unpredictability controls me
Having to take on the weight of others
Because no one else will
Having a friend that is poison to my being
Cling to my soul
All this is driving me to my breaking point
But,
When will I break?
How long will I last?
My happiness never lasts
There is this road block deep within my chest
It grabs hold of my chin
Searing at my throat
My throat burns
My head hurts
I feel so utterly, entirely alone
But at least I know others feel this way too
Because that’s really what its all about
Never me but always you, you, and you
What is making me so depressed?
Why am I so down again?
Is it because of you, my poison?
Is it because I’m giving up on you, my future friends?
Let the pain cycle through
Everything is going right
Or, is it?
Maybe I’m just as lost as I was before
Maybe I never got unlost
Maybe I never have been found
Maybe I’m just unfound
Maybe I’m just forever overlooked
I’m never the opened book
My contents are far too confusing
Far too grievous
Far too dark
Far too bright
Far too scarred
When will someone see through my mask and actually do something about it?
When will someone genuinely care about my internal thoughts and contents?
Hating myself yet again
It’s a never ending cycle
Continuing with now physical symptoms
I wish I found my heart’s home
I wish I found my home
My home
My
Home
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