Category: Poetry

Date Written: 11 October 2024

Do not make it a good day
Make it a great day
As my maternal grandfather once said
Is a life philosophy I will always wish to spread

There will be times that life gets rough
And where the events of the world around you
Hammers away at you until you fall down

There will be times where giving up sounds easier
Than letting go
There will be times where doing nothing seems more meaningful
Than doing anything at all
There will always be times where we sink before we fall
There will always be bad days, weeks, months, and years

But you do not have to let these social and environmental pressures
Tie a noose around your neck
Nor do you have to let the burden of your responsibilities
Affect your mindset when you are normally
Just trying your best

Survival isn’t easier
Living can get significantly harder
And you will always have times where you falter
From the confidence and resolve that once remained unshakable
Inside your very heart, body, and mind

But you can at least take what life throws at you
And use it to learn, climb, fly, or swim
To not necessarily better days
But days where you can have at least one win

So do not make it a good day
Make it great
And reward yourself for all the good you did today

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Date Written: 11 October 2024

I do not know how to get my thoughts out
They are all jumbled up
And the minute I start to address one
Another pops up in its place
Pausing me,
From whatever I was first thinking

This confusing mess inside my head
Is just filling me with a nagging dread
That I will never be able to address
My inner most, private thoughts
Without an interruption
Having due cause

My head hurts from all this stress
Yet I still do not know how to get
Out these jumbled thoughts
And lay them all to rest

If only I had a way that was not a mere guess
At how to process the spiral of words and jargon
That causes my mind so much distress
Then I would be grateful and at best
I would be able to concentrate and focus
More rather than less

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Date Written: 25 May 2016

Here I am in this mass of quicksand
Staring up into this world of light shining through leaves and tree branches
Sinking further and further as this hole full of quicksand expands

Throw in cattle, rushed words, and miniscule voices
That scrutinize my thoughts
And test my faith that I am alive
That I am awake

When really I’m just sleeping
Dreaming of flying so high
To a nightmare falling

Fumbling over my own feet
Into this small spring of sand
Sitting nonchalantly right in front of me

It sticks to my feet
And pulls weight down onto my shoulders
As others use me as leverage to get higher
Or rather, get out of this hell hole

I’m more than a foot stuck under
Waist deep
Thigh deep
It’s all the same to me: I’m in deep

I’m in deep and sinking further
Like a drawbridge except I part downwards, never drawing up

Then here comes the whisk of wind that makes me feel alright
Tickling my ears and cupping my back of head in it’s elusive hand
Stroking my hair
Telling me it will all be over soon
My support is here
Here with me
Me
But not you
Because you and I inhabit the same body
The same smile
The same laugh
The same health problems
The same in every way
Except, the only difference being
A part of me has died
While a part of you struggles to revive

The little girl crying on the inside
Every time she fails
Fumbles
Falls
And dies

Welcome to the Darkness
How will you survive?

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Date Written: 30 October 2025

When you have the world in front of you
The sight can overwhelm you
Where do you step?
Where do you look?
Where do you go when the sight over this ledge sees all?

You can look to the ones who raised you
for the answers you seek
and they may tell you
to just go and feel the grass
under your own two feet yourself

But that answer does not appease you
It gives you more questions
What does the grass feel like?
Will I like the grass?
What if I hate how the grass feels?
What then?

You seek some more advice
among those who live with you
on this ledge, but their responses
just fill your head with more doubt
that clouds your head with more
uncertainty and questions

Which leaves you second-guessing yourself
and losing sight of your original intentions
Why did you ask all those questions?
Why did you even care about the grass in the first place?
Why did I bother to look over the ledge to see what is over the edge?

And while you feel lost with yourself,
you find yourself staring over the ledge again
Aweing at the sky before you
Curious at the grass well below you
And jealous of the view right in front of you

It’s then in that moment that you remember
the very first time you desired to step off this ledge
But you got lost in the sight that was before you
and as you continue to get lost in the view again,
you notice a figure approaching you from below

The closer he comes the more you see
that he is not approaching you
but the very ledge you stand on

He begins his climb up
and about halfway up
you holler, asking him
“Why do you climb up this ledge?”
And he tells you in-between haggard breaths
Because he wants to go much higher
than he ever had before

Floored, you take a step back
and look over the horizon again
You never thought to go higher
But you always wanted to go farther
And with that thought in mind leading you

You leap yourself out over the edge
Only to find the drop was short
The grass was wet and soggy
and that the man trying so hard
to climb the ledge you just came on,
If he had just walked a little further past
the front of the ledge,
he would have seen the path
of those walking up and down it

And if you had spent less time
asking questions, and more time
seeking answers, you would have discovered
that same path a few paces away from the climbing man

But you can’t fault yourself in hindsight
The top of the ledge was all you knew
And now while you are in the world
that was moment’s ago just in front of you,
You take another step on the wet, soggy grass
and keep looking forward,
moving on from what is behind you

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Date Written: 05 August 2015

Struggling
To keep it together
Breathing in
Breathing out
To prevent from having another breakdown

It’s getting harder to breath
I just want to get down onto my knees
Can I do this anymore?

Socialization
Hate it
But love it at the same time

Why is it so hard for you understand
That I am fine alone
I enjoy my solitude
I hate socializing
I am no people person
Society’s ways are taking a toll
On me
Always restricting on “what is acceptable to those around you”

It’s never about yourself nowadays
Because that’s being selfish

It’s wrong to try and be the best version of myself
It’s wrong to want to move on from this life I’m living

I want to move away
Sever all contact

Only to come back and realize that I have lost it

I’m at a lost at what to do
Should I give up my feelings for the likes of you?

What should I do.
What should I say.

These are statements I chant in my head every day

I’m struggling
I’m on the teetering edge
Of self destruction
Self denial
And self repressed, discipline

I’m slowly fading away
Will you come and save me?
Or will you be too late?
Come and thank me

It’s been put off your shoulders
And onto mine
Killing me on the inside
I hope your happy
I hope your proud
Because those words have lost their meaning for me once more

I’m just the broken girl living on the hope of his return
To free my icey, stoney heart
From being shattered farther than it has before

I’m just the broken girl
Waiting to be accepted and no longer feel alone

As much as I hate it
As much as I want it
I have no need for it

I’ve always been on my own

It’s been like that from the very start
I was born to live my life alone

No, not a loner
No, not an idealistic dreamer

Yes, a fighter
Yes, a believer

To take the world onto my back
To have the weight of the world sitting onto my shoulders
Is it worth it?
Am I worth it if I turn out like you?

All are questions asked
When carrying

The weight of the world.

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Date Written: 17 February 2012

My head is spinning
My heart is racing
My hands are sweating now
Watcha thinkin’?
Do ya think you’re cool?
Do ya think you’re on top?
Well I can tell ya
You ain’t above me now
You below me now
So wait a second
And shut your mouth now
Listen to me and my words that I speak
For I am the one with the lock and the key
I’ve listened and watched
For a year now
And from what I know and from what I see
You think you’re a queen
Well I hate to break it to ya
But you ain’t no alpha
You ain’t no queen
You’re the instigator
The string-puller
The heartbreaker
You think it’s cool to put someone down
Well here’s a news flash for ya
You can’t put me down!
No you can’t but what you can do is this
Shut your mouth and think for a second now
Do you think it’s okay
Do you think it’s funny
To call someone fat and ugly?
Well if you did
You’re wrong, I’m sorry
But let me tell you this
And I hope you get me
When I say it ain’t right
It ain’t cool
To give someone the cold shoulder
And have him feel
So alone, so helpless
But oh let me guess, you think that’s funny
But now I’ve got a question for ya
Now are you a friend
Or are you just a bully

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Date Written: 23 February 2016

The fire glows shining at my glossy face,
Bringing forth the light I hold so dear to my heart,
Maybe this is where I shall fall apart,
In the warmth of your empty embrace,
Leaving me alone for yet another winter,
My eyes wither when I see your lover in my place,
But I feel that this is no longer a race,
Because now my feet are halted by a splinter,
A splinter that leaks out red as my eyes leak out water,
Is such a bother by this enchanting fire,
Why now must my bones shake with the brittleness of age,
By all I must be a goner,
For the thought of you is what I desire,
But now I shall pass over in my new cage,

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Date Written: 2012

You think you are a freak
You think you are weird
You think that you are creepy
You say that is the truth
But is it really?
Or are you just scared?
Have you ever met someone
Who makes you smile?
Who makes you laugh?
Have you ever felt that warm fuzzy feeling inside?
When you see him do you feel loved?
Is he your reason for living?
You love him so much
You want to tell him how you feel
But are you really ready for the risk
That he might reject you?
That he might accept you?
You look into his eyes and give a sheepish smile
He listens to you when you speak
He doesn’t just like you for your looks
He likes you for being you
When you look in the mirror what do you see?
You start to hate yourself
And for what?
You only look at your negative traits
While he looks at your positive ones
So stop denying yourself
In a mindful depression
Because you are beautiful
You are smart
You are funny
You are, you are!
Do not approach hating upon yourself
When you can be glad and you can be proud
That you are human
Just like everyone else
No matter what you say
You will always be
A friend to me
And that is all there is to say
No doubt about it
That when you are hurt
You will be loved

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Date Written: May 2012

Darkness
Bats
Ghosts
Monsters
Nightmares
Pain
Is it the same?
Daytime
Birds
Games
Mammals
News
People
Is it the same?
Doing
Bringing
Grieving
Mourning
Nagging
Pressing
Is it the same?
D
B
G
M
N
P
Is it the same?

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